WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
