i would punch a child for taco bell
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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