I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
