i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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