...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was like eating out sand paper
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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