Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
