I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
