While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
