Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
