No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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