Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
