Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
