I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
