I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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