I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
