i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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