Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
