I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
