This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
