Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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