i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
