He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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