Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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