You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I deserve this hangover.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
