my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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