Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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