If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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