Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
