i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
