Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
