Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
