were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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