I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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