You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My dick has a subreddit
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
