I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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