to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
