Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
