just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
