you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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