I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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