Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am naked and annoyed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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