my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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