I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Found your dick twin last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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