just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
