I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
