Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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