I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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