we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
