Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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