I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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